Follow my blog with Bloglovin 2019 | Rambles Of Ames

The blog for me to just ramble on about stuff and give shit life advice lol

Saturday 6 July 2019

Pressures Around Sex and Virginity

I think in todays society, it is important to acknowledge all these pressures around being a certain way or having your sh*t together at a certain age, everyone is expected to be perfect when in reality no one is perfect, everyone has got their flaws. When it comes to sex and virginity, no one likes to be the last in their friendship group to “do the deed” if you will, but one of you is going to have to be, and that’s okay. There’s so much pressure around it that you feel like you don’t want to do it. There are some people who do want to wait and of course, that’s okay, and of course, vise versa, some people don’t want to wait and just get on with it and out the way.

No one should feel like they have to do this or that just to fit in and it’s not even seemed as “cool” to wait. Personally for me, I wish I had waited, when I lost my virginity, I didn’t regret it as such because I was feeling nervous about it, but I just wished I waited for the right person to come along, the guy who it was, I didn’t know at all and I think it lost it’s meaning of that first time is meant to be with someone that you trust, and I didn’t trust this person (not to mention the fact that he lied about sleeping with me and said he didn’t when he clearly did).

I think, if you want to wait, then you should wait, if you don’t then go for it, either way, don’t feel like you HAVE to just because everyone else is, which of course you don’t. do what you feel is right whenever you feel it’s right. There are some people who don’t believe in sex before marriage because of that thing of accidental pregnancies and not having a strong relationship with their other half (example if it was just a one-night stand).

But all-in-all you have to do what is right for you, if you don’t want to just yet, you don’t have too, if you can, then go for it.
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Monday 1 July 2019

Relationships...they suck lol




Falling in love is by far one of the best feelings in the world, there is nothing better than listening to your favourite song on repeat because it reminds you so much of the person that you’re in love with, now I have only been in 3 relationships that I can actually count but they weren’t exactly your walk on cloud 9 type of relationships, and those reasons and the reasons why they broke down is the reason why RELATIONSHIPS SUCK SOMETIMES.

I am not saying they suck all of the time, of course they don’t but I just think you have to spend the time with the right person to realise that you were in the wrong relationship. There have been times where I’ve spoken to a guy, he’s been so lovely and like one of the lovely-ist (not even sure that’s even a word lol) guy I’ve spoken too but something didn’t feel right and it felt like it was wrong to keep speaking to him and leading him on, even if my friends thought we would be the best couple in the universe even though that isn’t strictly true because my feelings towards this guy, didn’t swing fully towards that way, it was hard because he was so nice, I just didn’t think it would have worked out in the long run and especially with relationships you need to think about what’s best for you and not other people and just because it would please them.

I have always been a difficult person when it comes to love and relationships, I find it really hard to trust someone, sometimes it can even take months and months for me to fully trust them and of course, that is not their fault, they might be the most trust-worthy person on the planet, but I am not one to just throw my trust at anyone, I think most people are like that anyways. They just need to be aware that I have trust issues.

It’s not even that I find it difficult to form long-lasting relationships with people, they just won’t want to commit to me, they cheat on me or they just find someone better or they just stop speaking to me. THAT IS WHY RELATIONSHIPS AND THE CONCEPT OF MODERN DATING SUCKS.

Everyone everywhere is on social media, everyone can be compared by anyone, your boyfriend can compare your ex-boyfriend to him and not find any reasons to why they would pick you over him, and that’s quite sad really.

 If everyone is influenced over other people on social media you will always want to find a way to compare yourself to other girls/boys and not see why this person likes you or find you attractive. It’s because you’re you and you don’t have to be someone that you’re not just to impress someone, you might actually impress them for all the wrong reasons and being yourself might actually be a better way to go about it, if they like you then they’ll like you for the person that you are and no other reasons.

Relationships are a hard concept for me, I am scared of being lonely for the rest of my life but the idea of a long-term committed relationship makes me absolutely terrified but mostly only because coming out of my 2 ½ year relationship I wasn’t in the best state of mind, I came out of that relationship and thought my whole life had ended because I no longer had someone I could call mine, even though it was for the best, I still thought nothing could convince me otherwise.

I was with someone a while ago (just over 2 year now) and he was the worst type of person ever imaginable, I do question why I was actually so into him at the time, he would only want me to come round on his terms, so when if I missed him that wouldn’t matter because it wasn’t on his terms and it didn’t suit him, well to be hell with THAT! I am not being treated like that! Only wanted me for the intimate stuff too so really we were only ever “friends with benefits” and I didn’t even realise that until my friends were saying about it and pointing out the facts. It hurt me because I really did like him and he just didn’t care about that. I still find it hard to get my head around someone using someone else to their advantage like that, and he even knew that I liked him, even in the way that he didn’t, I knew that he didn’t but that didn’t stop me, I got too sucked in. During that relationship I had a bit of a traumatic experience with a pregnancy scare, all I wanted was him to be there for me and support me if I was to have a child, if it came out positive, as soon as he heard that I thought I was pregnant he deleted me off social media and deleted most of my friends so they couldn’t contact him either, it was all just a mess, it came out negative, but that’s not the point, I wanted him to be there I was scared enough as it is but to have someone just not care like that, it’s awful.

Here I am in 2019 living my best life, I still am trying to find someone though I think I might have but I won’t say anything because it’s still early days. I really would like something to work out for me this year, I am absolutely SICK of wasting my time on people who don’t want relationships but still insist on talking to me like they do anyway, I want someone to care and I want to care about someone just as much!

The long and the short of it is, to enjoy being in a relationship and to be happy in that relationship you have to think about the long-term and if it is going to make you a happy(ier) person or if you’re just being in a relationship because you want to belong to someone, relationships suck YES but only if you’re with the wrong person. Otherwise they can be the best thing in the entire world, without a doubt.

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Wednesday 12 June 2019

How to fit into this society




It’s often asked whether or not you can fit into this society by just being yourself, and I mean, can you? To be honest, people do things that help them fit into the society, this society and in my opinion it’s all a bit hit and miss. Sometimes people get into the wrong crowds but then they try so hard to fit into those crowds that they get into all sorts of trouble and that’s not good for anyone.

This question “how do you fit into this society” is a tricky one because you be yourself, you get judged, you do things that you wouldn’t normally do trying to fit into society because let’s face it, nobody likes someone who doesn’t fit in or even who doesn’t try.

Having said that, there’s things that you can do to help you fit into society and help you feel less of an outcast, if I may say that.


Follow all the fashion trends
You know the magazine Cosmopolitan always has articles on the latest beauty and fashion trends, some of them even so ludicrous and ridiculous that you know you’d never follow in a million years, yet you do because you know this will help you fit in and have topics of conversations to people you meet.

When you’re round other people, do exactly what they do as well.
Okay, I get it, this one is a bit controversial, meaning that you shouldn’t ALWAYS do what your peers are doing, meaning you shouldn’t give in to peer pressure but nobody really likes someone who doesn’t follow everyone else and does whatever they want to do, you’ll always be called names if you don’t follow the crowds and if you get mixed into with the wrong crowds it can be hard to just say no and not follow everyone else.

Conform
You can not do what you want to do you have to do what society wants you to do, especially round certain ages, like 16 and losing your virginity or 18 and having an alcoholic drink, it’s almost as if you can’t take your time in this world because there’s always just going to be someone there judging you for doing things your way and at your own pace, if you do not feel comfortable doing things at a certain age then it’s obvious just because you’re scared or too chicken to do it.


With all this being said, I think it’s important for you to find your own path and your own ways of doing things in this world, take control of your own actions, learn to say NO and you never have to apologize for saying no and not doing what other want you to do, follow your heart, do what YOU want to do, at your own pace, don’t do something just because you see your peers doing it and you don’t want to be the odd one out, pace and taking your time is just as important as if you want to rush and do things at a fast pace.
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Saturday 1 June 2019

Body confidence


Since I was a child I have always been smaller than the people of my own age, I’m 22, I’m a size 6 top and a size 6-8 trousers, give or take the size depending on the style of trousers. I don’t think I have ever been confident about my body, which to be honest isn’t not normal I’ll admit, people are bound to have body confidence issues growing and becoming a young lady.

The main reason for my body confidence issues is my birth mark (hemangioma, also known as a pork wine stain because of it’s colour when it first appears). As many of you may know I have a condition called Neurofibromatosis type 1. The birth mark however is nothing to do with my condition. Pictured below is what my back looks like now, I don’t have any photos of what it looked like when I was a baby/young child.
I was told by my parents that when I was a young child that it was red raw in colour and described as a steak, the thickness was the thickness of a steak and it would bleed profusely at times. There was one time when I had to be rushed to hospital and my parents drove through the middle of the town and even went through red lights just to save my life. They were told by the doctors that if it was bleeding to get me to hospital IMMEDIATELY.
Since growing up I have always been self conscious of my back and what it looks like, I don’t like it. 
I don’t like having this massive scar on my back, it makes me feel, I don’t really know but it doesn’t make me feel beautiful. I have never wanted to wear a bikini or tops that show my back. I don’t want that anymore.
I have wanted to wear bikinis for ages but I have never had the confidence to do so, I don’t want people pointing and laughing about my back making sneer remarks and just making fun. The other week I went to the beach with my friends and it was the first time that I had worn a bikini in confidence and I felt good about myself. I felt happy, and that was the first time that happened to me.
My back causes me problems, for example it makes me very cold very quickly, or it makes me very hot very quickly, so obviously I do have to be careful when out in the sun and wearing bikinis but I don’t want that to stop me wearing bikinis and feeling good about myself.

Pictured above is a picture of me wearing a swimming costume and I feel confident when wearing it, it covers my back and it makes me happy to be able to feel confident about wearing a swimming costume and not feel so self conscious about my back and the way it looks.

I am going on holiday next week and I’m hoping that I can feel confident enough to wear a bikini or a swimming costume!!
I have always been smaller than the average 20 year old, but I am now so much more confident about myself, I am young, healthy & full of self confidence again, I hope that it stays and that I won’t let my back stop me from wearing a bikini and feeling good about myself.

I will never let my back or my smaller figure get in the way of my happiness and confidence, I will never let anyone’s horrible comments stop me from being happy!

Write in the comments a positive quote for others to read about body confidence
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Monday 20 May 2019

Modern dating...and dating apps...


Speaking as someone who has hardly any proper experience about dating and relationships, I don’t know if I will have any idea what I’m talking about but I can always do that thing of trying.
Relationships can be hard to deal with, you can argue a lot or you can go the whole relationship without arguing at all. Finding someone you want to share your life with can be difficult, but what better way to do it through a dating app, I mean what’s better than random men adding you on Snapchat wishing to get what they want from you. I was always a bit spetitical when it comes to dating and relationships through dating apps like Badoo or Tinder, I have gone through so many times where I’m like, oh yeah he’s the one, or he’s the one, just wishing for it to last, but they never do last.

There is also that thing of what do you talk about? What is there to talk about? Do we talk about sex, or is that too forward, do we talk about life and what we do? Or is that too personal. I always get stuck on what to say, so I just awkwardly wait for the conversations to start. As for talking on another platform, because let’s face it not many people like others seeing tinder flash up on their phone given their reputation, do you go for facebook messenger or snapchat. I don’t get why people only want to talk on snapchat, my experience is that means they aren’t really interested in you, just what you have to show.

I just don’t get the point in talking to someone for a long time, getting to know them and then leaving them for no reason and so randomly and out of the blue, what goes through their minds when they do that, I do not know.

But then there’s the complication if they live too far away, and you think awh maybe this guy could be great, he’s funny, smart, and we get along well, but would it be worth all those train journeys down to see them and vice versa, will it be all worth it in the end. I would never want to waste anyone’s time or give them the wrong intentions, I would never want to lead someone or make them think something that it’s not. But I think you should never chuck away something that could be great.

What are the chances on apps like Tinder that you’re going to meet someone who’s nice and clever and charming again? You should always do what you think is right and think how you feel, make your intentions clear because then they know whether to or not to carry on talking to you or if it would just be a waste of time.

It’s great when you find someone with those qualities and I just feel like it’s becoming increasingly difficult because people never make their intentions clear and what exactly they want, only maybe when you get too into talking to them and then that becomes complicated. Talking about sex with someone should never be something you should be scared of because it’s just sex, so what if you go too into detail, that’s all that it should be, a plain conversation, a great conversation though at that.

A guy I found recently totally gets me and what I’m about, we have great conversations, he’s not all about sex which is what I like about this guy. He’s charming and sophisticated, all around great, he’s possibly the best person I found via Tinder, and even though I’ve tried other apps I’ve always gone towards Tinder the most. He’s mature and knows what it’s all about, he’s cute but he has that side to him which makes him not intimated.

When is the right time to meet up with someone from your dating apps? Personally, I don’t think it should be straight away, at most a couple of weeks, if you’re still talking to one another still by then, you never know with people on tinder. You should arrange to meet in a public place, because then you know his intentions with you aren’t just sex. Go for a coffee have a chat, if you wanted to go back to their house to have wild sex then go ahead but all I am saying is be careful and make sure you make your intentions clear!

Relationships that are from talking on dating apps can be great, but you should always be careful about what you make clear about your intentions, always make them clear and precise, I mean do what you want with whoever you want, but there’s always that confusion of emotional attachment so you’re always going to have to be careful about what you say and how you say it.
I’m far from an expert when it comes to love and relationships, trust me with that, but this is just all what I think.

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Tuesday 7 May 2019

Trusting people...trust no one actually


I always think when meeting someone new there’s always that chance that they will become the biggest dickhead in the world – for whatever reason they may just not be what you’re looking for in a friend or whatever it is you’re looking for. Trust can’t always and shouldn’t just be given away, trust is earned, and they have to feel like they can trust you before they do. Perhaps if you tell them a secret and they don’t tell anyone else, if you ask “can I trust you” it’s obvious they’re going to say yes because that’s what they want to hear.

Trust is a really important thing in any friendship or relationship so to do something that the person knows will inevitable hurt them and as a result breaks the trust, you can’t go back to. Say if you’re married to someone and they decide to have an affair with someone else behind your back that is breaking the trust between the both of you. You said in your vows you wouldn’t do anything like that, why risk it to break the trust, forever in fact.

It can be a hard thing to build up but if you know that it’s something you want, you’ll let it take its course and it’ll build up in the time that it takes, even if that’s days, months or years even, keep going and keep doing what you’re doing to gain the trust of the other person. If they don’t trust you straight away, trust that it’s nothing that you’ve done, it’s probably because of the way someone broke the trust in the same situation. Some people are dickheads and they’ll just say what the person wants to hear, not always the best way to gain trust.

Trust is hard to gain and 10x easier to break. You have to think about the right time of when you want to trust them, of course you’d want to trust them straight away, who wouldn’t but sometimes it isn’t as easy as that. Everyone trusts people at different speeds but that’s probably because of how they’ve been treated before in similar or the same situations, if someone says to you they’d be there for you but end up leaving, that’s breaking the trust because they might have promised you they’d never leave, of course not everyone stays, that’s just part of life, but the important people will always stay no matter what.

It seems like a controversial topic to be honest, everyone’s “speed” of trusting people and what people think trusting someone means is different. You should never feel pressured about HAVING to trust someone because of course you don’t have to do that, anyone that wants to gain your trust will understand that it always takes time to gain that, anyone that asks for your trust straight away isn’t really worth knowing, it’s always a better idea to get to know someone first before you fully invest your time and effort into trusting them.

There is no right or wrong time to trusting someone and everyone is different, you’ll want to trust them in your own time, not because people tell you that the time it’s taking you is too long or too short, it’s between two people and if you care about each other you’ll have a mutual understanding of trust and how long it takes for other people because the trust has been broken in the same ways before, but it’s okay, take your time & don’t rush it, inevitably that’s where it all goes wrong.

The time I trusted someone too quickly 
I have only ever trusted someone too quickly once before and because of that aftermath and what happened between us two it’s been difficult for me to trust people, I wouldn’t want the same thing to happen to me twice, it actually resulted in me having a pregnancy scare (blog post about that coming soon) and that experience is one I never want to experience again at least for the wrong reasons, he was a total douche bag about it never wanted to talk to me about it either, I wish I just took the time to trust him more, slowly and so that he trusted me too.

In conclusion all I want to say is don’t force the trust you want between you and someone else, it will come eventually if it is something that you both want. If you both have a mutual understanding of wanting to trust each other, it’s okay that it takes a little longer than usual, actually makes it stronger because you take the time and effort to trust someone! All good in the long run.
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Wednesday 1 May 2019

I love...skins (the programme)



I love Skins, so here's why..

Skins is a tv programme based in Bristol. It's about a group of girls and boys who are in the Sixth Form, it explores situations to do with drugs, heartbreak, love, pregnancy, alcoholism, depression and other mental health illnesses and situations.

I love the characters and how their characters are dealing with certain situations, for example Emily and Naomi and how they deal with their sexuality, how Emily deals with her sister finding it difficult to cope with especially as it nearly tears them apart, it is a good way to present it, Emily and Katie are twins so Katie thought that Emily would be like her as long as they live, but Emily is gay but was always worried about what her sister was going to think.

They also portray mental health illnesses like depression and autism the right way, as in Effy gets sent to a mental health hospital after trying to commit suicide, they show the signs and symptoms correctly and they show that you could be seen as completely “normal”  but really be struggling on the inside, besides, depression isn’t about being sad, it’s a chemical imbalance, think about celebrities that have committed suicide, Robin Williams, they all seemed happy but behind closed doors they weren’t, just shows you don’t really know how someone is feeling.
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