Follow my blog with Bloglovin May 2019 | Rambles Of Ames

The blog for me to just ramble on about stuff and give shit life advice lol

Monday 20 May 2019

Modern dating...and dating apps...


Speaking as someone who has hardly any proper experience about dating and relationships, I don’t know if I will have any idea what I’m talking about but I can always do that thing of trying.
Relationships can be hard to deal with, you can argue a lot or you can go the whole relationship without arguing at all. Finding someone you want to share your life with can be difficult, but what better way to do it through a dating app, I mean what’s better than random men adding you on Snapchat wishing to get what they want from you. I was always a bit spetitical when it comes to dating and relationships through dating apps like Badoo or Tinder, I have gone through so many times where I’m like, oh yeah he’s the one, or he’s the one, just wishing for it to last, but they never do last.

There is also that thing of what do you talk about? What is there to talk about? Do we talk about sex, or is that too forward, do we talk about life and what we do? Or is that too personal. I always get stuck on what to say, so I just awkwardly wait for the conversations to start. As for talking on another platform, because let’s face it not many people like others seeing tinder flash up on their phone given their reputation, do you go for facebook messenger or snapchat. I don’t get why people only want to talk on snapchat, my experience is that means they aren’t really interested in you, just what you have to show.

I just don’t get the point in talking to someone for a long time, getting to know them and then leaving them for no reason and so randomly and out of the blue, what goes through their minds when they do that, I do not know.

But then there’s the complication if they live too far away, and you think awh maybe this guy could be great, he’s funny, smart, and we get along well, but would it be worth all those train journeys down to see them and vice versa, will it be all worth it in the end. I would never want to waste anyone’s time or give them the wrong intentions, I would never want to lead someone or make them think something that it’s not. But I think you should never chuck away something that could be great.

What are the chances on apps like Tinder that you’re going to meet someone who’s nice and clever and charming again? You should always do what you think is right and think how you feel, make your intentions clear because then they know whether to or not to carry on talking to you or if it would just be a waste of time.

It’s great when you find someone with those qualities and I just feel like it’s becoming increasingly difficult because people never make their intentions clear and what exactly they want, only maybe when you get too into talking to them and then that becomes complicated. Talking about sex with someone should never be something you should be scared of because it’s just sex, so what if you go too into detail, that’s all that it should be, a plain conversation, a great conversation though at that.

A guy I found recently totally gets me and what I’m about, we have great conversations, he’s not all about sex which is what I like about this guy. He’s charming and sophisticated, all around great, he’s possibly the best person I found via Tinder, and even though I’ve tried other apps I’ve always gone towards Tinder the most. He’s mature and knows what it’s all about, he’s cute but he has that side to him which makes him not intimated.

When is the right time to meet up with someone from your dating apps? Personally, I don’t think it should be straight away, at most a couple of weeks, if you’re still talking to one another still by then, you never know with people on tinder. You should arrange to meet in a public place, because then you know his intentions with you aren’t just sex. Go for a coffee have a chat, if you wanted to go back to their house to have wild sex then go ahead but all I am saying is be careful and make sure you make your intentions clear!

Relationships that are from talking on dating apps can be great, but you should always be careful about what you make clear about your intentions, always make them clear and precise, I mean do what you want with whoever you want, but there’s always that confusion of emotional attachment so you’re always going to have to be careful about what you say and how you say it.
I’m far from an expert when it comes to love and relationships, trust me with that, but this is just all what I think.

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Tuesday 7 May 2019

Trusting people...trust no one actually


I always think when meeting someone new there’s always that chance that they will become the biggest dickhead in the world – for whatever reason they may just not be what you’re looking for in a friend or whatever it is you’re looking for. Trust can’t always and shouldn’t just be given away, trust is earned, and they have to feel like they can trust you before they do. Perhaps if you tell them a secret and they don’t tell anyone else, if you ask “can I trust you” it’s obvious they’re going to say yes because that’s what they want to hear.

Trust is a really important thing in any friendship or relationship so to do something that the person knows will inevitable hurt them and as a result breaks the trust, you can’t go back to. Say if you’re married to someone and they decide to have an affair with someone else behind your back that is breaking the trust between the both of you. You said in your vows you wouldn’t do anything like that, why risk it to break the trust, forever in fact.

It can be a hard thing to build up but if you know that it’s something you want, you’ll let it take its course and it’ll build up in the time that it takes, even if that’s days, months or years even, keep going and keep doing what you’re doing to gain the trust of the other person. If they don’t trust you straight away, trust that it’s nothing that you’ve done, it’s probably because of the way someone broke the trust in the same situation. Some people are dickheads and they’ll just say what the person wants to hear, not always the best way to gain trust.

Trust is hard to gain and 10x easier to break. You have to think about the right time of when you want to trust them, of course you’d want to trust them straight away, who wouldn’t but sometimes it isn’t as easy as that. Everyone trusts people at different speeds but that’s probably because of how they’ve been treated before in similar or the same situations, if someone says to you they’d be there for you but end up leaving, that’s breaking the trust because they might have promised you they’d never leave, of course not everyone stays, that’s just part of life, but the important people will always stay no matter what.

It seems like a controversial topic to be honest, everyone’s “speed” of trusting people and what people think trusting someone means is different. You should never feel pressured about HAVING to trust someone because of course you don’t have to do that, anyone that wants to gain your trust will understand that it always takes time to gain that, anyone that asks for your trust straight away isn’t really worth knowing, it’s always a better idea to get to know someone first before you fully invest your time and effort into trusting them.

There is no right or wrong time to trusting someone and everyone is different, you’ll want to trust them in your own time, not because people tell you that the time it’s taking you is too long or too short, it’s between two people and if you care about each other you’ll have a mutual understanding of trust and how long it takes for other people because the trust has been broken in the same ways before, but it’s okay, take your time & don’t rush it, inevitably that’s where it all goes wrong.

The time I trusted someone too quickly 
I have only ever trusted someone too quickly once before and because of that aftermath and what happened between us two it’s been difficult for me to trust people, I wouldn’t want the same thing to happen to me twice, it actually resulted in me having a pregnancy scare (blog post about that coming soon) and that experience is one I never want to experience again at least for the wrong reasons, he was a total douche bag about it never wanted to talk to me about it either, I wish I just took the time to trust him more, slowly and so that he trusted me too.

In conclusion all I want to say is don’t force the trust you want between you and someone else, it will come eventually if it is something that you both want. If you both have a mutual understanding of wanting to trust each other, it’s okay that it takes a little longer than usual, actually makes it stronger because you take the time and effort to trust someone! All good in the long run.
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Wednesday 1 May 2019

I love...skins (the programme)



I love Skins, so here's why..

Skins is a tv programme based in Bristol. It's about a group of girls and boys who are in the Sixth Form, it explores situations to do with drugs, heartbreak, love, pregnancy, alcoholism, depression and other mental health illnesses and situations.

I love the characters and how their characters are dealing with certain situations, for example Emily and Naomi and how they deal with their sexuality, how Emily deals with her sister finding it difficult to cope with especially as it nearly tears them apart, it is a good way to present it, Emily and Katie are twins so Katie thought that Emily would be like her as long as they live, but Emily is gay but was always worried about what her sister was going to think.

They also portray mental health illnesses like depression and autism the right way, as in Effy gets sent to a mental health hospital after trying to commit suicide, they show the signs and symptoms correctly and they show that you could be seen as completely “normal”  but really be struggling on the inside, besides, depression isn’t about being sad, it’s a chemical imbalance, think about celebrities that have committed suicide, Robin Williams, they all seemed happy but behind closed doors they weren’t, just shows you don’t really know how someone is feeling.
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