I am not saying they suck all of the time, of course they don’t but I just think you have to spend the time with the right person to realise that you were in the wrong relationship. There have been times where I’ve spoken to a guy, he’s been so lovely and like one of the lovely-ist (not even sure that’s even a word lol) guy I’ve spoken too but something didn’t feel right and it felt like it was wrong to keep speaking to him and leading him on, even if my friends thought we would be the best couple in the universe even though that isn’t strictly true because my feelings towards this guy, didn’t swing fully towards that way, it was hard because he was so nice, I just didn’t think it would have worked out in the long run and especially with relationships you need to think about what’s best for you and not other people and just because it would please them.
I have always been a difficult person when it comes to love and relationships, I find it really hard to trust someone, sometimes it can even take months and months for me to fully trust them and of course, that is not their fault, they might be the most trust-worthy person on the planet, but I am not one to just throw my trust at anyone, I think most people are like that anyways. They just need to be aware that I have trust issues.
It’s not even that I find it difficult to form long-lasting relationships with people, they just won’t want to commit to me, they cheat on me or they just find someone better or they just stop speaking to me. THAT IS WHY RELATIONSHIPS AND THE CONCEPT OF MODERN DATING SUCKS.
Everyone everywhere is on social media, everyone can be compared by anyone, your boyfriend can compare your ex-boyfriend to him and not find any reasons to why they would pick you over him, and that’s quite sad really.
If everyone is influenced over other people on social media you will always want to find a way to compare yourself to other girls/boys and not see why this person likes you or find you attractive. It’s because you’re you and you don’t have to be someone that you’re not just to impress someone, you might actually impress them for all the wrong reasons and being yourself might actually be a better way to go about it, if they like you then they’ll like you for the person that you are and no other reasons.
Relationships are a hard concept for me, I am scared of being lonely for the rest of my life but the idea of a long-term committed relationship makes me absolutely terrified but mostly only because coming out of my 2 ½ year relationship I wasn’t in the best state of mind, I came out of that relationship and thought my whole life had ended because I no longer had someone I could call mine, even though it was for the best, I still thought nothing could convince me otherwise.
I was with someone a while ago (just over 2 year now) and he was the worst type of person ever imaginable, I do question why I was actually so into him at the time, he would only want me to come round on his terms, so when if I missed him that wouldn’t matter because it wasn’t on his terms and it didn’t suit him, well to be hell with THAT! I am not being treated like that! Only wanted me for the intimate stuff too so really we were only ever “friends with benefits” and I didn’t even realise that until my friends were saying about it and pointing out the facts. It hurt me because I really did like him and he just didn’t care about that. I still find it hard to get my head around someone using someone else to their advantage like that, and he even knew that I liked him, even in the way that he didn’t, I knew that he didn’t but that didn’t stop me, I got too sucked in. During that relationship I had a bit of a traumatic experience with a pregnancy scare, all I wanted was him to be there for me and support me if I was to have a child, if it came out positive, as soon as he heard that I thought I was pregnant he deleted me off social media and deleted most of my friends so they couldn’t contact him either, it was all just a mess, it came out negative, but that’s not the point, I wanted him to be there I was scared enough as it is but to have someone just not care like that, it’s awful.
Here I am in 2019 living my best life, I still am trying to find someone though I think I might have but I won’t say anything because it’s still early days. I really would like something to work out for me this year, I am absolutely SICK of wasting my time on people who don’t want relationships but still insist on talking to me like they do anyway, I want someone to care and I want to care about someone just as much!
The long and the short of it is, to enjoy being in a relationship and to be happy in that relationship you have to think about the long-term and if it is going to make you a happy(ier) person or if you’re just being in a relationship because you want to belong to someone, relationships suck YES but only if you’re with the wrong person. Otherwise they can be the best thing in the entire world, without a doubt.
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